Back 2 School

The good, the bad, and the ugly

We're kind of getting into the swing of things; it’s that time of year where we are expected to dramatically change our lifestyle. Sleep schedules, the literal bed you sleep in, the people you see, the food you eat, the pets you lay with, and more. At the snap of a finger, it's time to start going to class again.

I’m writing this after my Saturday 11-3 shift at work. I am tired and probably overworking myself. Currently, I’m a junior at Ithaca College. A sports media major (ew) with a minor in psychology. I say ew about sports media because, as I've said to many people when asked about it, I just don’t like the people in it. Not really specific people (I’m lying), more the fact that it’s filled to the brim with hyper-masculine men who all talk with the same cadence about the same shit every single day. This isn’t a shot at sports media itself, those people, or being passionate about sports at all. It gets very tiring to hear about it, though. I originally chose the major as a fuck-it-sounds-fine-ish decision. At the time, I was, and still am, a bit directionless. Maybe I don’t give myself enough credit; who knows? Anyways, what was on my mind the most was the Knicks, and I was using Twitter a shit ton. So I basically just went with it.

I had the thought that I was interested in sports psychology—hence the psychology minor—and was focused on athletes mental health, jitters, and dealing with the pressure of being a famous athlete + the toll that takes. So on and so forth. It’s an interesting topic, but I don't know; it just doesn’t do it for me. It also poses the question of whether I would go to grad school for a master's in psychology if I wanted to do that, and you will never ever catch me going to grad school.

I’m still a sports media major. I don’t feel like changing it, and honestly, I don’t think it matters much. I’m not unique in this sense at all. It’s common for college students to have these problems. The seemingly never-ending questioning of "what the fuck am I actually doing?" with an overwhelming amount of other options available, but all the options seem unrealistic or a waste of time. Regardless of whether that’s true or not.

The stress of classes, the outrageous amount of money school costs, trying to have a social life, getting yourself to eat right, and trying to live healthy in general. Oh, and a job. Dating apps!!! So fucking bad for mental health and self-esteem. This is not to say that I’m not on them and have only had bad experiences. I just usually end up feeling shitty, and always feel like I should delete them. If you are reading this and have had a completely different experience, I’m happy for you! I hope more good times come your way. Dating in general at college is stressful. The feeling that you have to be as active as possible or something because, ya know, college. That’s just life, though; a lot of these things are just life. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows, as they say, but when it is, it feels very nice. Like this view from the balcony of me and my roommate's apartment:

Ithaca has some very pretty views.

That just reminded me of all the good times so far! The drunk Mario Kart and Mario Party, movie nights—it's a lot, but at the end of the day, I do like and enjoy working at the mail center. My classes so far haven’t been bad at all. Actually, another bad thing popped into my head. The fire alarm woke up our building last night at 5 a.m. We frantically get up, put shit on, and go outside. Everyone is out there. I literally went out in a tee and put shorts over my boxers after I was outside. Me and my roommates were joking about what idiot probably set that shit off. Then the cop comes outside and asks loudly, "Who's in garden___?" The apartment he said was ours. So everyone knew it was us. Embarrassing. It didn’t make sense either; we keep the AC low as fuck. We were all asleep for hours; nothing was on fire. He ends up very quietly telling us that our heat sensor or some shit malfunctioned. Very embarrassing.

I got sidetracked; college is a lot!

There’s more I could list about it, but the fact of the matter is, nobody can handle all of this shit perfectly. The juggling act that around 18–21-year-olds are expected to perform is kind of crazy to me, and we all just do it, I guess. Time starts to fly, and it’s justified by getting to the weekend so you can have a good time when you go out to bars, then wake up hungover and do it all over again.

Before you know it, you’ll be in your 5th semester (out of 8!) just like me. Or you’re farther along. Wondering how you got here, writing this piece that is overly pessimistic. Tired and also wired a lot of the time. Working too much for too little, going to class, and getting fucked up at a rate that never feels right to you. Either too little and you aren’t letting loose enough, or too much and you may need to take it easy.

This feels like a conclusion, so I’ll let it be one. I apologize for how negative it is! I only had cereal for breakfast today. Its 3 PM, I gotta eat. In an attempt to close it out, I’ll say this: As easy as it can be to feel like you aren’t doing enough, not having enough fun, or something like that, remember that everyone else feels the same way. I try to apply that to a lot of things in life. Nobody is thinking about you; they are all stressed about themselves, just like you are. Just like I am.